16 Ways I Blew My Marriage

I have not "blogged" in a while for a few reasons.
First, time.  I have no time.  However, this changes soon as I will be finishing my Masters in a few days!!  WOOHOO!!
Second, relevance.  Is it even cool to blog anymore?  Do other people have time to read?
Third, inspiration.  Because of life and school, my brain, and sometimes my soul, runs on empty.

However, I read a blog from someone else and had to share.  Share is cooler if you click share and post it via Facebook or Twitter.  However, my position makes this blog a necessary place to share this post.  Within the blog are a few cuss words and so on.  I do not want someone to misunderstand my words for the blog's author.  However, after reading his main points, if you want the website, message me via Facebook.

The title of the post is "16 Ways I Blew My Marriage" by Dan Pearce.  Obviously, a must read title!  As I read through, I realized some of the areas where even I can relate to the thoughts of the author.  Example, holding hands.  I used to extremely love holding hands.  However, now, I will find ways to escape the hand holding (though completely valid excuses).  So here are the 16 main points.  The explanations from the author are great and can translate well to any marriage situation right now or future marriage!  Enjoy.

1.  Don't stop holding her hand
2.  Don't stop trying to be attractive
3.  Don't always point out her weaknesses
4.  Don't stop cooking for her
5.  Don't yell at your spouse
6.  Don't call names
7.  Don't be stingy with your money
8.  Don't argue in front of the kids
9.  Don't encourage each other to skip working out
10.  Don't poop with the bathroom door open
11.  Don't stop kissing her
12.  Don't stop having fun together
13.  Don't pressure each other
14.  Don't label each other with negative labels
15.  Don't skip out on things that are not important to her
16.  Don't emotionally distance yourself after a fight

I found out there was a part two to this list.  However, I will leave that for you to discover.

Until Next Time...

Choosing the life of forgiveness...

I am a huge supporter of the organization TWLOHA: To Write Love on Her Arms.  It is a non-profit organization "dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide.  TWLOHA exists to encourage, inform, inspire and also to invest directly into treatment and recovery."  I visit the site often, look through the store and upcoming events.  Most of all, I read the BLOG.  The blog of TWLOHA is filled with stories of triumphs, failures, prayers, poems, and personal stories.  God has been really dealing with me about the ministries that I lead and my own personal life leaving a legacy that points back to God's glory.  God has been really trying to tell me to trade in what is not of God (hate, injustice, bitterness, anger, indifference...) for what is of God (love, fairness, encouragement, forgiveness...).  Emmi Scott's story sheds light onto this thought:


I was born into a legacy of bitterness.

One side of my family consists of a long line of women whose lives haven’t turned out quite as they had imagined. They might not say it outright, but they are angry, and they have been angry for a long time. They have been left by more men than they can count; fathers, husbands, and lovers have walked out of their lives without looking back, but not before doing some deep damage. They can’t seem to forget, and those memories have decayed into a sense of bitterness, which makes itself known through criticism, gossip, and broken relationships. 

It’s exactly the kind of legacy no one wants to inherit.

I wondered for a long time if this legacy was mine to inherit too, just like the women before me had inherited it from their mothers and grandmothers. Never mind that I have an amazing father who chose to stay and to fight for me through the most difficult years of my life. Never mind that I am not prone to heartbreak. When a trait runs that strongly in your genes, it’s hard not to wonder if you will have it too, like blue eyes or a long nose. It begins to seem inevitable.

But then, that thing happened, the thing that threatened to give me my own list of “if only’s,” the event that threatened to toss me into a pit of bitterness without a means to climb back out. And in the brokenness, anger, and heartache that followed, I somehow decided that I didn’t want any part in this legacy of bitterness. 

I chose to disinherit myself. 

I chose to forgive.

Putting this decision into action hasn’t been the simplest thing I’ve ever done. Sometimes when your heart is smashed into a million pieces, you have to dig pretty deep to collect all of them again, and along the way, anger and bitterness and resentment rear their ugly heads and try to convince you that it will be easier to just give in to them. 

And sometimes, that’s a pretty tempting idea. 

Those are the days when you have to take a deep breath and choose, again, the path to forgiveness. And if that’s not enough, those are the days when you find someone who will help you want forgiveness, and you sit with them and cry about how unfair it all is until you settle down and realize that what you’re doing feels terrible and the forgiveness thing is just a better idea anyway. 

And after enough days, and maybe months, of deciding again and again to forgive, it suddenly becomes easy. And you’re finally not angry any longer.

Here’s the thing: harboring bitterness against someone else ultimately doesn’t affect them very much. But it could destroy you. That bitterness will seep into your thoughts, words, and actions, and it will affect your relationships with the people you love. So, forgive—if not for them, then for you. 

In the end, no matter how your plans turn out, no matter how others treat you, you get to choose what your life looks like. I’m choosing fullness, joy, and forgiveness. 

It’s a legacy that I hope will live on for many, many years.




Are you in the midst of anger, bitterness, and fear??  Trade it in for the things that God is calling you to do!  Like Emmi said, it will not be easy...but you have the choice to choose what your life looks like and the legacy your life will leave behind.


Until Next Time....

I missed this....

I'm wondering why I decided to blog so long ago.  Was it to boast me or was it to boast about Jesus?  Was it to help people or help myself?  Was it to cause controversy or help bring hope/healing?


Could it be all of the above?  NO!  Well, all of the above minus boasting me!  I am nothing to boast about.  I do not like attention.  I enjoy people saying great things about me, it helps more than people think.  However, without a doubt, my finger points up because without God I AM NOTHING!  Anything I do in this life is because of my LOVE...love for God, love for God's people, and love for God's GREAT work that God continues to do.  If I did not have this love, I would only be a math teacher probably about to punch a high school kid in the face because they complained math sucks (and it most certainly does not, at least not when I teach it).


Honestly, I started blogging because it was the thing to do when I hit college.  But, I suppose I started blogging to see if this was actually what God wanted me to do.  Did God REALLY want me to be a youth minister??  REALLY GOD?  REALLY?


I continue to ask this to keep myself humble, because every time God reminds me, "David, (or Gaddy as you like to be called), did you really think you alone were going to be a minister??  You are never alone!!  I AM with you.  Not only as God, but I also live in you.  Not only do I live in you, but I also live in the people you will come across (friends, family, wife, teens, their parents).  I am not dead, I am alive, and you are NEVER alone."


I am reminded of this today.  After the deadly final two weeks of school have come and gone (for which took much of my energy away), I am now knee deep in ministry at my current church.  I love this place, love the people, LOVE THE TEENS!  However, I realize too often I try to go it alone.  This is not fair to me and not fair to those people who have amazing talents with teens and children.  As I look back though, I realize that never once did I walk alone...God and Gods peeps have been there all along.


With this in mind, this is my blog.  I will speak my mind carefully.  This will be my therapy and the outflow of what God has on my heart.  On my heart right now, this song "Never Once".  Hear the song, feel the lyrics, I realize we are a people who are not abandoned, but loved by an overwhelmingly loving God!


Until Next Time....

Good Side of Suffering

From my quiet time today:

You have enlarged me when I was in distress.

Psalm 4:1

"This is one of the greatest testimonies ever written regarding the effectiveness of God's work on our behalf during times of crisis. It is a statement of thanksgiving for having been set free not from suffering but rather through suffering. In stating, "You, God, have enlarged me when I was in distress," the psalmist is declaring that the sorrows of life have been the source of life's enlargement or growth."

I dont know if my friend remembers, but a while back I was having doubts about my calling and place in ministry, while at the same time doubting myself as a person and Christian. One day, this friend, Kirk, asked me how I was doing. I was completely honest. I told him that I was feeling pretty down and I was not feeling God's presence at all in my life. He looked me straight in the eye and said, "Hmmmm...for me, I am closest to God when I am suffering and down..."

Back then I thought was the worst and stupidest answer I had ever heard.

However, especially this week, I understand. The past few weeks have been crazy for a lot of people that I have talked to. This week has been especially crazy for me. I have a friend that was introduced to suffering unexpectedly...completely unfair...

But God is close to us, right there with us through the suffering, saving us! Not from the suffering, but saving us all throughout the suffering.

So are you letting your suffering build you up? Are you letting God work in the chaos and confusion??

I shall end with this:

God is near to all who call, near to all who call on him in truth.

Psalm 145:18

Until Next Time....

God just said "BRING IT"

Test me in this and see if I, God, don't open up heaven itself to you and pour out blessings beyond your wildest dreams. ---Malachi 3:10

"God's ability to perform is far beyond our prayers---even our greatest prayers! I have recently been thinking of some of the requests I have made of Him so many times in my prayers. And what have I requested? I have asked for a cupful, while He owns the entire ocean! I have asked for one simple ray of light, while He holds the sun! My best asking falls incredibly short of my Father's ability to give, which is far beyond what we could ever ask."
---John Henry Jowett

July 26

My brother in Christ, Bryan Lee, turned my attention toward a devotional book call Streams in the Desert a while back. Admittedly, I have been on and off with this devotion because life has been so wretchedly busy. But since my tank was running on empty, I decided to make a pit stop (NASCAR terminology :] ) and spend some time in the presence of God and his heavenly pit crew and fuel up (I promise the NASCAR terminology is done). I will share today's devotion with you.


By faith we eagerly await through the Spirit the righteousness for which we hope.
(Galatians 5:5)

There are times when everything looks very dark to me, so dark that I have to wait before I have hope. Waiting with hope is very difficult, but true patience is expressed when we must also wait for hope. When we see no hint of success yet refuse to be depressed, when we see nothing but the darkness of night through our window yet keep shutters open because stars may appear in the sky, and when we have an empty place in our heart yet will not allow it to be filled with anything less than God's best...THAT is the greatest kind of patience in the universe. It is the story of Job in the center of the storm and Jesus in the Garden. And there is no patience as strong as that which endures because we see "him who is invisible" (Hebrews 11:27). It is that kind of patience that waits for hope.

Dear Lord, You have made waiting beautiful and patience awesome. You have taught us that Your will should be accepted, simply because it is Your will. You have revealed to us that a person may see nothing but sorrow in his life yet still be willing to live because of a conviction that YOUR eyes see further than their own.

Father, give me strength to wait for hope, to look through the window when there are no stars. Even when my joy is gone, give me strength to stand victoriously in the darkest night and say to my heavenly Father, "the sun still shines."



In the middle of my big move, there have been some low points, some dips and curves, unexpected obstacles, and questions. There are still some lose ends that need to be tied, but God will take care of those ends and tie them into beautiful knots. And the knots will help me and my wife remember that God was in the middle of all of this, working it out for the good of those who love God and are willing to be patient in the darkest of nights and say "the sun/Son still shines."

So to all my people who read this, when you feel you are at your lowest point, remember...no height and no depth can escape God! God is there, because the sun/Son still shines!!

Until Next Time

Are You A Trader??

This was my final sermon to my former church Lees Chapel in Dunn, NC. It was Graduate Sunday and my final day with them. Read through it, watch the video when prompted by the link titled "Are You A Trader," and let me know what you think!!

PS....sorry if it is weird....blogs dont like it when you copy and paste from Word apparently!

There is a skit from the 90s from Saturday Night Live featuring deceased comedian Chris Farley. The skit is called “Matt Foley: Motivational Speaker.” Matt Foley is a motivational speaker to high school teenagers, or anyone that will listen to him, who lives in a van down by the river and lives on a steady diet of government cheese. In one scene, Matt Foley explains what these growing teenagers may be feeling and what they think their life might become:

Now I know youre thinking that youre gonna go out and
grab the world by the tail,
and pull it down,

and put it in your pocket

But im here to tell you that as you go out there

Youre gonna find out

That youre not gonna amount to
JACK SQUAT

Have you ever felt like that or been told that? That you will never amount to Jack Squat? Is there a chance that your story could be different? That your short time here on this earth could make an eternal difference?

Are You A Trader?

Since the video is about two minutes long, moves very quickly, and information sticks when you say things more than once…let me explain the challenge for you today and for the rest of your short time here on earth.

You have been tricked. You have been tricked into thinking that this life is all about me, me, me…the money money money and the blingy bling bling. The further you are up on the ladder of life, the better off you are for the rest of your life. But, like most ladders, the higher up you are, the further you fall.

This is an extremely distorted and confused version of the American Dream. At some point, this dream became all about building up the individual…and not the people that need it the most. What kind of world do we live in that promotes the big people getting bigger and bigger…and the poor man growing smaller….that instead of giving a hand up, we just give a hand out and be on our way? Is there not more to this life?

A group of people created an organization called rightnow.org in part inspired by the story from Jesus about the Good Samaritan from Luke 10:25-37.

They have been inspired to be a group called Traders. Traders are a new type of missionary, not defined by geography, because it is really easy to go far away to people or lands you do not know, mainly because you may never see them again. Traders are more defined by the mission they are on, right where they are at, everyday, right now. We are called to live out our faith, not just talk about, sing about it, sit up and sit down about it. They really live it!

TRADERS have 4 motivations in their life:

1.) Traders choose daily to follow Jesus. It is no longer about me, it is about Jesus. Je-sus!! That leads us right back to the parable. The man chose to follow the way he knew was best, to stop and help. This way we now know is the way Jesus calls us to take, to go and do likewise. Thus, we sometimes must sacrifice the time it would take to take of a stranger, the money it could take to heal him, and share whatever skill it could take to bring life back to the broken.

2. Traders hate injustice and find ways to bring the hope of Jesus to the desperate. What is it in this life that you hate? It is extremely easy to pick what you hate in this life…what are the things that break your heart and makes your fist clinch…or makes you want to vomit. For the Samaritan man, it was seeing another person left behind, broken and scarred, hopeless and alone, being passed by the ones who should have been the first to help him. So what is it that makes you angry, fist clenched and breaks your heart…find specific ways to tackle these issues that show the hope and healing that is within the heart, life and spirit of our Lord Jesus Christ.

3. Traders use work as worship; everything you do can be an opportunity to worship the God who created you. God is most glorified when we use our God given talents for good and life changing work.

4. Act swiftly, because the time is right now. It is not after college, it is not after your kids start going to church, it is not when your kids graduate…the time is right now, when we exit the doors.

As the video says, this movement can result in a generation of traders, who are making a difference with their time, money and passions, that are God-kingdom focused and not self focused, so that our short time here can make an eternal impact. And if generations after us follow us, just think of what this world has the potential of becoming…

So what do you say? Are you ready? Are you ready to be a trader? Are you ready to choose to walk with Jesus everyday, fighting injustice, all the while worshipping the God who created you, and doing that right now? That challenge not only goes out to you folks here, but all of us. We are a family. You graduates in front of me, you are not alone. You will always have this church as your family…and we will walk with you in your decision to be a trader in this lifetime. So what do you say? Middle school? High School? Graduates? Parents? Families? Church? What do you say?